Why wait for the eulogy?
The time to tell people how special they are is now, while we still can
The reason for this week’s Substack theme is two-fold. First, I am sat listening to all the tributes on the radio for Steve Wright, the British DJ who died unexpectedly last night. The second reason is that, as part of
Book Proposal Masterclass, we had to ask those close to us what they believe makes us special.The result of both these events has made me wonder – why do we wait until people have left this world to talk about how special they are, how amazing, and the impact that they make on the lives of individuals? Surely, we need to tell people in the here and now that they mean so much to us. That they bring light to our lives, hope to our hearts, and laughter to our days.
When I was a child growing up, I used to love watching This is Your Life, presented by Eamonn Andrews and later Michael Aspel. I thought it was wonderful how one person would receive the red book when they least expected it, then go to a room where all their loved ones were to reminisce over time spent together and share their love for that person.
This was such a heart-warming idea. Times have changed so much since then. Just a look at social media today will show you that people criticise rather than compliment, complain about behaviour rather than celebrate achievements, and express hate, not love.
The only time this outlook changes is when someone dies. Then words of love come gushing out. Memories shared of happy times spent together. How that person inspired you, helped you through hard times, and they were just a joy to be around. I know that, when a friend died suddenly in 2019, I was not alone in saying: “I hope they knew just how much they were loved.” But it was too late to let them know.
Why can we not tell people this when they are still alive? Why can we not let them hear what an impact they have made on our lives, how they have brought so much good to our world? Who knows, that may make all the difference in how someone feels about life, and it may spur them on to get a medical niggle sorted as they realise their lives are worth it. Or to know that they are, perhaps, not as alone as they might think they are. Yes, we should definitely tell people how much they mean. How brilliant they are. While they are still here, to look you in the eyes, smile and take your hand and give it a squeeze, and to see them visibly lift as they realise that their life means something.
Just think on that a while… For you to realise, while you are still here, living, breathing, and full of cells and complicated emotions, that your life means something. What an incredible gift to give to someone.
The magic is that this is a gift you can give today, right now, and it costs nothing at all. You have just made someone’s world become valid, their existence recognised, and their value shown. Wow. Why are we not doing this more often?
For my part, there were two replies to my question from Beth’s course that made me lost for words. The first was from one of my best friends, and she wrote what was in essence a eulogy about all that was special about me. When I said I was speechless, she asked, “did you not realise?”
My response was no – and that is when it struck me. We only ever tell people after they have died how wonderful they are. And those words my friend sent are powerful. I printed them off and put them in my office, so I can see them every day. And I will hold them close to my heart.
Another friend also sent words that made me think and pause. But it was her comment from her son that meant the most: “The first thing I thought when I saw you was wow, a beautiful, happy smile. It made me want to smile.” Truly, what a gift of a response, and what a wonderful response to evoke in someone. Making them want to smile.
These and other comments have made me appreciate, even more than I already knew, how truly blessed I am to have so many amazing people in my life.
So, with the Steve Wright jingle ringing in my ears, and my friends’ words dancing before my eyes, I ask you the question – who will you tell first that they are amazing? Who will you empower today by sharing their eulogy with them now? We all need to share more love in the world, and this is a beautiful way to begin.
Go gently and spread magic with your words.
Samantha x
Really needed to read this today. It's the anniversary of my Dad's death today. So many things I never told him ❤️