The truth about why not writing weekly was a mistake

The frustrations of a writer's mind when the words are confined

Last month, I announced I was taking a pause from my weekly writing here on Substack. The reason was that I am deeply involved in writing a biography, and as such, there was no room for anything else in my head. I did not want anything to detract from writing this book. I also did not want my mind to go in a different direction, one that could – in theory – take me from the incredible focus I was busy creating.

To quote Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman: “Big Mistake. Big. Huge.”

For you see, by not writing to express myself in another way, I actually shut myself off to the writing process. I am used to writing on a myriad of different things on a weekly, if not daily, basis. Suddenly, I was focussing on just one subject, one that I relished getting my writing teeth into, and I was seeing my word count go up exponentially.

There was just one problem.

I wasn’t happy.

There, I’ve said it. In doing so, I’ve probably broken some code of writers somewhere. But I have to speak my truth – share my medicine with those of you who read this – and that means being honest.

Photo by Elena Mozhvilo on Unsplash

I love putting my playlist on every day, channelling the lady I am writing about, and spending day after day, minute after minute, sharing her story. It is an incredible account about an extremely strong lady who changed the world around her. It is a tremendous honour for me to be writing this book. But these last three weeks have taught me I can still honour her story – and write about other things at the same time.

It is not an all-or-nothing situation – something that so many of us end up feeling, putting ourselves into a corner whether or not we want to be there. Instead, I realised it is an invitation to open my mind in a different way, and to allow those creative juices to flow in whichever direction they want. And, in turn, that will enable the focus on the biography to be stronger – as there will be less clutter in the way.

Photo by Amanda Jones on Unsplash

I have been here before; I remember writing a series of short stories when I was at university, but putting them to one side, mid-flow, as I had exams approaching. It was impossible. I was like a bear with a sore head! Quite honestly, I think there is nothing worse than being a writer who is not able to write, due to deadlines, demands, or dedication. All those words build up within you and they have to go – somewhere. Anywhere. They have to escape onto the page in order for the primary focus of your words to come out. And, in this instance, that focus is about one of the most remarkable women I have ever had the fortune to meet.

I am barely five hundred words into this post, and I already feel better. I can feel my soul relaxing as these words spill onto the page, making room for the bigger things to come. Making room to share the story. There is a lesson here, I am sure, about making room for the things that matter in life. And sometimes, that is about breaking the imagined rules and worrying less about what you should do. Instead, embrace the creative flow when it comes, and allow the distractions to reinvigorate your writing, rather than limiting them. I know I will not make that mistake again.

Today, I go on a mini writing retreat, the aim being to finish the first draft of the biography. It will also give me a chance to re-set. We are just days away from my favourite day of the year, the summer solstice. I always use this day as a chance to revisit the intentions I set at the start of the year. I always end up going barefoot on the grass, and I frequently have a glass of fizz, making a libation to the goddesses, as I call on them, to help me through the next phase of the year.

My home for the next two nights.

It is all too easy to become run down in the summer. While we love the sunshine – which is thankfully finally making a welcome appearance this year – the longer days, the earlier dawn chorus, and the early morning light are all sleep-stealers. These two nights away, sleeping in a shepherd’s hut in the middle of a field, with no one else around me, will be energising and invigorating. I have little doubt that I will reach my word count, and also that I will return invigorated, ready to celebrate the summer solstice and take a deep breath as I head into the second half of 2024.

And the most important thing I am packing for this retreat? A blank notebook, ready to capture the creative flow as it comes, ready to write whatever words that need to be released in order for the treasures to flow. And flow, they surely will.

Samantha xx